Isn't It Odd

Isn’t it odd how well others can know us when we don’t really feel like we know ourselves? Here’s what I mean. Yesterday, Bethany said the very same words I said – as they came out of my mouth – with the same vocal expression, pitch, inflection, AND facial expression including head nod. How did she know what I was going to say when I didn’t even know!?

I’m 48 years old, have raised 2 grown daughters and am in the process of raising 4 more children. Yet, the way I perceive myself is much like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade when he is in pursuit of the Holy Grail; not in the heroic sense but more in the way he bumbles.

Remember when he’s trying to get across the canyon to the cave where he has to choose which wine challis belonged to Jesus? His father gets shot and Indiana has to find the Holy Grail in order to heal his dad. He fumbles through all of the booby traps and in the end comes to a canyon and has to get to the other side and he can’t see a way across – that’s the part I relate to – the fumbling and not being able to see a way across. That’s how I perceive myself. I feel as though each step is unsure, praying that God will help me to be faithful to my children. In most situations, I can’t see the next step.

So, how did Bethany know me so well that she knew what I was going to say when I don’t even know myself that well. Our family was almost all together having a Sunday lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Somehow, the topic of hooka bars came up. Hooka bars are popular among the young these days and I’ve been hearing my kids talk about them (I hear the tobacco is “very clean”!)

For those of you who aren’t familiar with hooka bars, Wikipedia defines a hooka bar as “A lounge or establishment where patrons share shisha (flavored Tobacco) from a communal Hookah which is placed at each table.”

I know this is unthinkable to some but when it comes to hooka I can’t give my girls a mandate because I have been known to smoke a cigar with Skip on occasion. Okay, I know that’s unthinkable too, but I only did it to show him how gross it was to kiss someone who’s been smoking a cigar. Instead, he thought I was to coolest wife on the face of the earth.

So recently, Rebekah tells me she is going to a hooka bar sometime soon. When the topic of hooka came up during our Sunday lunch, I asked Bethany to take Bekah. Skip looked at me and asked me what planet I was from.

Here’s my logic: Bethany really loves Jesus and is mature. I love Bethany! She’s smart! I love Rebekah! Why not send Bekah on her hooka spree with Bethany instead of taking a chance on Bekah going with someone not so desirable.

Here are the words and thoughts that ensued at that point. I said, “Well, I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (at this point my mind started rolodexing through Bekah’s friends as follows: Hannah – I love Hanah – I hope I get to see Hannah before she goes back to college for the spring semester; Kyle – he’s so cute – looks just like Shia LeBoeuf – he swallowed a pin recently – man, I have to remember to pray for him; Jordan – I love Jordan too – he keeps writing on my wall on Facebook so I won’t look like a looser – I bet his mom and I would be good friends if we ever had a chance to hang out; Bubba – ding, ding, ding . . . it came out of my mouth . . . now, back to the conversation at our family lunch) “I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (and I promise Bethany and I said, at the same time, with the same vocal expression, pitch, inflection, AND facial expression including head nod) Bubba! ( The name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

How do I feel about hooka bars? I honestly don’t care. Once, while getting my hair cut, I was complaining about how I couldn’t get one of my girls to keep her room picked up. My hair-cutting friend looked at me and said, “Lori, if that’s the worst problem that child has, then you’ve got it made.” The words rang true in my heart.

When does it matter? It matters when a thought, motive, or action separates our heart from the heart of God.

I’m glad that my girls can talk with Skip and me about hooka. I don’t want to have “unspeakable” topics that my children can’t talk to me about. I have to be careful about having too strong of a disapproving response when tough topics arise. This gets easier with practice.

Hopefully, that means that when it does matter and the situation is more difficult, the kids will feel safe about discussing the tough stuff. Well, except for Emily, who hasn’t yet told me she owns a hooka pipe; though it is very possible that I don’t remember her telling me. My kids tell me daily about stuff they’ve told me that I don’t remember.

What about the Indiana Jones bumbling thing. I’ve been reading a lot lately about hearing God’s voice. Dallas Willard and John Eldridge are my favorite authors on the topic.

Willard writes about a concept in Hearing God, a difficult but wonderful book, that as we become immersed in Jesus, we can trust that our thoughts and feelings become the thoughts and feelings of God. What a relief! So what do the thoughts and feelings of God look like . . . He is kind, loving, loyal, true, a protector, open to relationship, open in relationships, a healer, peace-making, merciful, just, holy, pure, and so much more . . .

I need to go. Sarah and I have a date over a cup of hot tea!