Relying on Gifts From the Hand of God

I am worried about moving to Houston. My husband starts working there in 2 weeks. Our family won’t move until our house sells so we’ll be living in two different cities during the work week. The last time this happened, it took 3 years for our property to sell. It was incredibly difficult. It hurt to be away from my husband. How could God have allowed that to happen? I fear that God won’t move quickly on my behalf. He didn’t last time.

I correct myself saying, “God is sovereign over selling this house. This is nothing for him.” But those words don’t change me because ultimately I’m still on the throne. In Seeing With New Eyes, Powlison says, “No one can truly change who does not know and rely on gifts from the hand of God.” Though I think I am “relying on the gifts from the hand of God”, I’m not. The result is the bad fruit of anxiety in my life. (Philippians 4:6-7) I’m living out of self-determination.

Without God’s help, I cannot change. Left to myself, I function as my own god. I see myself as being too big and God as too small. I’m overwhelmed and afraid of what God is going to do.

The way I’m functioning doesn’t match what I know is true. While I believe God is sovereign, I function as if I know better than God in this situation. While I believe God is good, I function as though God will not be involved in selling our house. I’ll have to make the house sell (as if I could).

My anxiety lies to me, telling me that I have to make the move happen. My anxiety distracts me, keeping my thoughts focused on the “craziness” of the move rather than on what a great God I serve, how small these circumstances are for him, and how much he loves and cares for me and my family.

All I know to do is to cry out to God, “Father, have mercy on me. Change me; you are the only one who can. Cause me to know and rely on the gifts from your hand. Don’t let me forget that you are moving us, not me. Don’t let me forget your faithfulness, greatness, and mercy. Don’t let me forget your love and care for my family. ”

Not By My Will

When I was a kid, I used to wake up each morning and commit myself to God for the day.

This morning as I was praying, I found myself repeating that familiar declaration, "Lord, I commit myself to you." Though this time, when I said it, I realized that this is something that I cannot do. I can't, by my will, commit myself to God. I have the desire but lack the fortitude. My flesh, my self or sinful nature is too strong. (Just as a side note - if we could, by our own will commit ourselves to God, it would negate the need for Christ's death on the cross.)

My experience on this side of heaven has been that I easily fall out of loving God and into loving myself (or what I want). It's like when someone flips a switch or pushes a button. Right now, that button is usually that that I feel someone has belittled me or disrespected me. If the right button is pushed, I flip back to self.

So, this morning as I prayed, "Lord, I commit myself to you", I paused and rephrased my desire. "Lord, I press into, move toward, look to, strive toward, proclaim my need for you today. Help me to lay myself down and not be committed to myself. Help me to glorify you.

Learning to Refect Christ

I have struggled all my life with feeling belittled. It usually looks like this: Someone says or does something that makes me feel unappreciated or under-valued. I take offense. I turn inward and mope and sulk and play the injustice of it all over and over in my head. I tell myself, “Don’t they know how sweet and good-natured I am. How could they possibly not like me? If they were better people, I wouldn’t have this problem.” Sadly, I have some broken relationships in my past.

I haven’t had a name for what I was experiencing but I am familiar with the process. It’s only been recently that I’ve even come close to being free from this reaction to being belittled. I have repented of pride and being self-righteous. I see that Jesus died for MY sin not just the sin of all those bad people out there. (I know – pretty ugly!) I want to reflect Christ in this area of my life.

Christ-likeness: Someone belittles me. I know that God loves and values me. He enables me to love and value others. I live humbly, laying down my life for others because my need for value is not met by them. It is met by Christ. The result is that I reflect Christ!

Psalm 119

God is good! Psalm 119 is clear. God gives understanding, judgment, wisdom, and truth. He provides, protects, and even seeks us out when we stray. He keeps us from wandering. In Jeremiah 32:39, God says he will give his people one heart and one way. This is my desire.

I’m not good! I am short-sighted, shallow, and fickle. At the smallest discomfort or threat I withdraw my gaze from God, his goodness, and his provision. Worry and anxiety become my modus operandi. I struggle with a lack of wisdom and understanding. It is said that what’s inside of you comes out when you get squeezed. When I get squeezed, I see the issues I’m grappling with through a filter of selfishness, crushing circumstances, and/or my culture. It’s not the most dominant of my weaknesses. I have much bigger failings. But it is the one screaming the loudest at me in this moment. I understand the predicament of the father who asked Jesus to heal his son in Mark 9 who said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

Psalm 119:36-37 says, “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.” O God, give me understanding so that I can walk in truth. Help me to understand your Word so that I can put it into operation in my life. Give me wisdom so that I can attach and apply truth to life’s struggles. O God, pursue me, seek me, find me!

The Gospel

For those who have never heard the Gospel:

We are sinners. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. God is perfect, holy, and just. Our sinful nature separates us from him. Though God didn’t need to, He sent his Son; perfect and without blemish, to die on the cross for us. Through his death on the cross, Jesus paid our sin-debt for us. The Bible tells us that Jesus, a God-man who never knew sin, actually became sin on our behalf that we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

He alone is able to save us from our sin. He alone can bring change, hope and new life. "And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12)

Whether or not we believe in God doesn’t determine whether he exists. He is a big God, full of mercy and grace. He is powerful - he simply spoke the world into being and he has protected his word, the Bible, through the ages. His word is living - his Spirit meets us as we read, revealing truth, and himself to us. You can go to the Word and know him.

Self-protection vs. the Ministry of Reconciliation

God has called us to lay down our lives in the ministry of reconciling others to Christ. He never called us to a life of self-protection.

I've protected my family from climbing too high in trees, crossing the street without looking, and talking to strangers. I am a mama bear, searching the horizon, looking behind bushes, always on the prowl, looking for anyone or thing who could harm my cubs. When I really think about it I've spent an amazing amount of energy protecting my family.

I've spent a lot of time protecting them from "bad people". Kids that cuss or drink or use drugs - the unsightly, the dirty, the ill-behaved, the not-so-desirable.

This is difficult. Should we allow our children and families to be involved with sinners? Do we pull in from the outside and protect our own?

Do we share our lives with those who don't know God? Do we live from the inside out - living out of an overflow of our relationship with Christ?

When we look at the life of Christ, the answer is absolutely yes! Jesus loved, served, befriended, healed, and fed the poor, the prostitute, the adulteress, liars, thieves, and the sick.

It's true, unbelievers are a bad influence. They are sinners. Here's the deal. These children (or bag ladies, homeless, poor, Wall Street bankers, or suburban housewives) need to hear the amazing truth of the Gospel. There are unbelievers who live around us who need to know Jesus. (Truth be known, I'm a sinner.)

We aren't the ones who hold our children in God. God does! God saves and protects his sheep (our children and us).

John 10:27-29 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.

Thus, I conclude: God never called us to a life of self-protection. He has called us to lay down our lives in the ministry of reconciling others to Christ.

I am so convicted. A change is necessary in my life and heart. I want to get involved with the messy, dirty, undesirable. I'm praying that God will give me a heart to intentionally build relationships with people I'm not accustomed to even noticing. I'm praying that God will compel me to give my time, energy, and money to these new relationships. I'm praying that God will bring people into my life who need to hear about him. When God does bring them, I'm praying that he will help me to be obedient.

I don't yet fully comprehend what this looks like. God give me grace to glorify you and obey!

The alternative is unthinkable. It means I have clean, well-behaved children, a nice house, good food on the table . . . a safe life - while those outside my world go on through life having never heard the truth of God's great love for them.

2 Corinthians 5:18-21 . . . God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the the message of reconciliation, Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Quotes on Shame from: When People are Big and God is Small by Ed Welch

Notes from Lori are in parenthesis.

Page 66 "Shame is something that we do to ourselves and is done to us." (The shame we do to ourselves is caused by our own sin. The shame done to us is done by others through acts of victimization.)


Page 66 "Jesus was sentenced to death in the most shameful manner possible - naked and on a cross. He felt shame, but he was innocent. He suffered the shame of others that was placed on him."

Page 67 "God extends his compassion and his mighty, rescuing arm to take away shame. Jesus both experienced shame and took our shame on himself, so shame no longer defines us. In fact, by grace through faith, it is no longer part of us. Then, in an act that seems inconceivable, God goes a step further: he marries and exalts those who once were shamed."

Isa. 54:4-5 Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of you widowhood. For you Maker is you husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is you Redeemer.

Page 67 - 68 "For every one look at myself I must take ten looks at Jesus. I must meditate on these loving promises from the mouth of God. If I think that I am beyond grace, I should be corrected. Such thinking is based on the unbiblical assumption that our works can either keep us away from God or move us towards him. It is a denial of grace itself. It suggests that there is some righteous act I must perform in order to meet God halfway. This, however, has nothing to do with to gospel of Jesus. The gospel is only available to people who know they are unclean."

(I find it interesting that all forms of suffering have shame that accompanies the suffering. I don't like using words like "all" but in my experience this is true. Suffering can include depression, loss of job, anxiety, loss of someone you love, illness, etc. There seems to be an assumption that we did something wrong or that for some reason, God's favor isn't with us. It is the shame associated with suffering that causes us to isolate ourselves just when we need others the most. )

Sadness

I can fall in love with a new puppy instantly. Last week, Bekah and I found a sweet pup at our shelter for her. He was part shepherd and part a lot of other things which only made him more interesting. When asked what breed he was, everyone kinda said, "Humm . . ." He was active, social, and very loving.

I puppy-sat for the weekend and enjoyed the pup. On Saturday, he started started throwing up and had diarrhea. By Sunday night, he was gone. It's so sad.

I'm sad for the loss of the pup; I'm really sad that Bekah is having to go through the loss of her new little friend. Even though he wasn't mine and was new to our family - it still hurts.

God heals our hearts. I've experienced it. Though the process sometimes seems to take too long.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.