"Why You Are the Way You Are"

I'm reading The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman. I love Kevin Leman. A couple of years ago Skip and I went through a study by Dr. Leman on raising teens. It was good and we put several of his ideas to good use.

Anyways, I've never really been able to figure out my own birth order. I have only one brother - 2 years older which makes me not only the baby but also first born daughter, right? But, when I was 9 years old, my parents divorced and by 10, I had 4 step-siblings and that put me smack-dab in the middle. Then, within a year (or 2), my brother and step-sibs were all living with other parents/grandparents. So that would make me an only.

At this point, I'm clueless about my own birth order. I think I need a private consult with Dr. Leman. (Hey, that would be fun. He's a hoot.) The birth order thing is one reason that blended families have so much difficulty - the children loose their place in the family. It's not that the problems can't be resolved but both the parents and children pay a high price.

So, back to the book. In chapter 1, there is a "which traits fit you best" quiz. I like this.

1. First Born: perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list maker, well organized, hard driving, blah, blah, blah. These are admirable qualities and I have had to learn some of these characteristics because of our family size, but even just reading them makes me feel kinda bad, you know, in the pit of my stomach - like these are great people but if I'm stuck on a desert island with them we'll probably be safe, eat well, and have animal skins to wear but where did all the fun go - I'm thinking this isn't me.
2. Middle Child: mediator, compromising, diplomatic, avoids conflict, independent, blah, blah, blah. Again, it's boring and not a comfortable fit.
3. Baby in the Family: manipulative, charming, blames others, attention seeker, tenacious, people person, natural salesperson, precocious, engaging, affectionate, loves surprises. Whoa! That's me, but where did all the admirable qualities go. Manipulative - who wants to admit that their manipulative. Blames others - I know I do this but yuck. Attention seeker - hmm - I love attention. I think I function as a baby in the family but I'm definitely not happy about it!
4. There is a 4th one - only child - it's no fun so I think I'll skip it.
   

So, I read on . . . Chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4 area all good and helpful. Chapter 4, perfectionism, boring! I skip it. Chapter 5, more perfectionism, really boring. Skip it! Chapter 6, even more perfectionism, even more boring. I skip it also. Blah, blah, blah.

I did read the chapters on the first-born (Emily and Jon - first-born son), lonely-only (Skip), middle-born (Bethany, Rebekah, Melissa). I think that is greatly to my credit.

I get to Chapter 9, last-born (Sarah and probably me), interesting but I'm skeptical - manipulative, blames others, attention seeker, huh - what does this Leman guy know about it anyway!

Then I read the first sentences of Chapter 9: "First of all, I want all you babies of the family to know that I'm on to you. I know you have just skipped the first eight chapters and started right here." He nabbed me! I guess I do function as a last-born, though I think I'm a somewhat sanctified last-born - I did read a couple of the first eight chapters!

The main reason I decided to read the book was to help understand our family dynamic and why we do some of the things we do. The book has been a great read and has answered a lot of questions about our family. It's not that it will help us to change but it certainly will help us to understand. A big thanks to Dr. Leman!

It's Been One of those Days!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Emily Is Getting Married!

Emily, our oldest daughter, is getting married! Today we're going to look for wedding dresses and site venues for the wedding. I'm looking forward to spending a fun afternoon with her. I love her so much!

Emily was born on April 5, 1986 around 9:10 am. (I say around 9:10 am because asking anyone who has had more than 3 children to remember the time or birth weights of her children is just too much.)

I remember everything about that moment - how tiny she was, how she felt in my arms, how she smelled, and how she sounded. I also remember how I felt - that was the moment I became a mother. Whoa and wow! It's hard to explain to a mom-to-be how the love thing happens - it just does. One moment you wait in anticipation of meeting your special little one. It's hard to even imagine what they will look like or sound like. Then, the next moment, there they are in your arms and their little being is powerfully imprinted in your memory - you could recognize their look, sound, and smell from a hundred other babies. It's one of God's great gifts to us.

I'm still amazed that God trusted me enough to entrust her to me. She brings me pleasure. I'm so proud of how she has grown up and the godly woman she has become. She encourages me and motivates me to love God more.

Emily is full of grit and I like that about her. When she was 4 years old, she came to her daddy and me and said that God had spoken to her that she needed to go tell our neighbor about how much God loved her. We did. I now am so proud to say that I fully trust Emily's ability to hear and discern God's voice.

Emily is fun! She has a special ability to love people and make them feel like they are important to her. Just being around her makes people feel good. I know that will be a quality that God will use in her future.

Emily is smart and capable and has more than her share of "snap". She can be painfully honest and has the ability to perceive difficult situations. Her thoughts and opinions have become very important to me. She has a heart for living life to the fullest and loving others.

When your daughter is young, it's hard to imagine that a young man will ever come along who is deserving of your daughter. In the good moments when everything is going well, you can't imagine that anyone good enough actually exists in this world. In the difficult moments, you wonder if a young man will come along who will be able to survive her. (I know you know what I mean. . .)

I never dreamed that anyone would come along for Emily that I would feel so comfortable with, but Ryan did. I enjoy his company and he fits unbelievably well into our family. My kids love him - heck - I love him!

Ryan is amazing. Ryan loves God and he and Emily are committed to keeping God the most important priority in their marriage. He is kind, loving, and respectful of Emily. I knew he was a keeper when he told me last year that he felt that most guys don't do enough to protect a girl's heart when they are dating.

It is a privilege to welcome Ryan into our our family. Skip and I have prayed for him since before Emily was born. (I do mean that literally.)

I'm amazed that I find myself in this place. I know that sentence has two "I"s in it - I really don't mean to make this event about me - there I go again with another two "I"s and a "me". This is going to be more difficult than I thought - one more "I". Darn it! How in the world am I (double-darn) going to be faithful to my (possessive pronoun representing "I" - darn it, darn it, darn it) sweet daughter and her fiance in this new phase of life?

Skip has often said that it would be nice if a user manual came with a baby. And here we are - in a new situation that we have never walked through; and in fact we are unsure how to. Once again, we are dependent on God to enable us and provide grace to be faithful to Him and Emily and Ryan.