Several years ago, I was visiting with a friend in her front yard when her daughter came up and asked if she could do a specific something. I don't remember what that specific something was but I do remember that even I knew the mom was going to say no. My friend did say no - she and I continued our visit.
A few minutes later, the daughter ran up and asked again. Again, my friend said no. Our conversation resumed. Repeat this scenario 2 more times.
Finally, about the fifth time the daughter asked, I started laughing and said, "Oh, I get it. Recently, when she asked you - you said yes." My friend exclaimed, "Yeeeesssss!" We both knew that the daughter would keep asking for a long time, that my friend would have to continue to say no for a long time, until all hope the little girl had of getting her way would be removed.
Lesson: If you've got some "long times" in your future, spend them thinking about it before you compromise your family rules or standards. Make sure that your rules are just, right/righteous, and worthy. There is nothing worse than enforcing a "no" that, in the heat of the battle, you realize is unrighteous. And then, stand firm - - - or you'll end up saying no to your child for a really, really long time until they lose all hope of another random yes.
If you say no sometimes and yes sometimes, it makes life seem really random to your kids. It isn't. God created a world for us where He tells us what the rules are and what we can expect from Him. Personally, I find that to be very comforting because I know where the boundaries are and what the consequences are. Life makes sense and obedience is most likely when we know what we can expect.
So think about it before you buckle - the pain of saying no far outweighs the months of repeated questions that hope for another weak moment.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Things I Want to be Remembered For
I want to be remembered for being a faithful child of God in the toughest of times, for loving well, for being a faithful and true friend, for living a life of learning, for learning to think, for thinking outside of the box, for conquering tasks that I find difficult, for being energetic.
I want to be remembered for knowing what the important things in life are, for not sweatin' the not-so-important stuff (I'm working on this one), for giving Skip's breakfast biscuit to a homeless guy (without asking first), for laughing hard, for crying with my family and friends when they cried, for still being able to tackle my 12 year old son, and for saying "I love you" a lot.
I want to be remembered for sitting beside the bed of my dear friend when she was dying of cancer, for having the courage to make difficult decisions, for being a person whose "no" means "no", for knowing what to hate - like deception, unkindness, dishonesty, divisiveness, and that children go to bed hungry at night.
I want to be remembered for knowing when to be quiet and listen, for loving sinners, for being able to speak the truth - in love (still working on this one), for being selfless and encouraging, for not nagging Skip about changing his headlight when he wouldn't change it - though I did turn him in to the police.
I want to be remembered as someone who lived - hard, played - hard, rested - hard, and loved - hard.
I want to be remembered as someone who pursued knowing God, and gave others a small picture of who and what and when and where and how God is.
I want to be remembered for loving Skip and my children wholeheartedly.
I want to be remembered for loving God more than anything else in this life.
I want to be remembered for knowing what the important things in life are, for not sweatin' the not-so-important stuff (I'm working on this one), for giving Skip's breakfast biscuit to a homeless guy (without asking first), for laughing hard, for crying with my family and friends when they cried, for still being able to tackle my 12 year old son, and for saying "I love you" a lot.
I want to be remembered for sitting beside the bed of my dear friend when she was dying of cancer, for having the courage to make difficult decisions, for being a person whose "no" means "no", for knowing what to hate - like deception, unkindness, dishonesty, divisiveness, and that children go to bed hungry at night.
I want to be remembered for knowing when to be quiet and listen, for loving sinners, for being able to speak the truth - in love (still working on this one), for being selfless and encouraging, for not nagging Skip about changing his headlight when he wouldn't change it - though I did turn him in to the police.
I want to be remembered as someone who lived - hard, played - hard, rested - hard, and loved - hard.
I want to be remembered as someone who pursued knowing God, and gave others a small picture of who and what and when and where and how God is.
I want to be remembered for loving Skip and my children wholeheartedly.
I want to be remembered for loving God more than anything else in this life.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Letter (written by Lori's husband) to Friends About the Death of Grace and Peace Richter
August 6, 1989
Dear Family and Friends,
Grace and Peace Richter, both girls, were born at 23 weeks. Both went to rest in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ within 20 minutes after their birth.
We have been looking forward to having more children. Even before conception we began to pray for our next child. We even asked God for twins. We were overjoyed in March to find out that Lori was pregnant, and even happier to discover that they were twins. We believed, and still believe, that our pregnancy was given to us by the Lord.
In mid-July, Lori began to look like she was in her 8th month. We went to the doctor saw on an ultrasound that something was wrong. We were sent to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. The twins had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion, a process that can occur in identical twins sharing a single placenta. We were told that the chances of either baby living were zero. They were too young to be born, and as time went on they would only grow weaker in the womb.
We were crushed. We prayed long hours for them and believed to the end that God could heal them if He chose to intervene. In our repeated talks with Him, we asked for them to be healed. However, we also told God that we knew He loved us and the babies and that His purpose and perspective could see far beyond ours.
During our hospital stay we experienced a depth of God's grace and peace we had never before felt. We cannot explain it except to say that the deeper the pain and grief went, the deeper His love was felt. This has definitely been the most painful, difficult thing we have ever gone through, but we can say with assurance that to those who know and reverence Him, deep hurt brings deeper grace!
On the 15th God mercifully allowed Grace and Peace to be born, Their time was short. We were able to spend our final minutes alone with them. We are very thankful for that time.
It is natural for us to think things are ours and are owed to us - our possessions, plans, health, our spouse and children. When we perceive that man or God is taking it away we feel cheated. After Job received the shocking news that his livestock, servants, and children had all been destroyed, the first words he spoke revealed his heart, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) And the next verse says, "Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."
We were thankful to God for the twins and recognized that we were just the temporary caretakers of them - they really belong to God. Our twins, like all of our children, are a gift from God. Whenever a young one dies we feel that they went "before their time". Although it hurts terribly to lose them and all our plans for their future, we know that they were taken "in His timing", and in that we rest. They are in the hands of perfect love, joy, peace, and care.
Our hurt is not for them but for us. We are left o this side of eternity to deal with life's pain and struggles in an imperfect world. Having experienced a measure of His grace and peace we know that there is ample supply for whatever our future years may hold.
We have never experienced anything as painful and deeply grieving as watching Grace and Peace die in our arms. It gives us a glimpse of what our Father must have felt to watch as his Son died. Our children were too young to be conscious of what was happening. His Son was very aware of what was happening throughout the many hours leading up to His excruciating death on the cross.
We would have never chosen this outcome for our twins. Consequently, what is most gripping to my heart, as a father, is that God willingly gave His innocent Son to die for us. We cannot conceive that kind of love, or Him loving us that much! But that is the love He feels for you and for me. There is therefore, nothing that we could ever go through that His love would not be able to see us through. He, as the Father and the Son, has felt the deepest of hurts. There is no hurt that He cannot relate to. There is no pain that His peace cannot comfort.
We'll close with part of an entry in Lori's journal that she wrote to Grace and Peace:
Grace and Peace I love you so much and I miss you. I can't seem to find it in me to say goodbye. In my heart, the heart of a mother, I long to know each of you. In my heart, the heart of an obedient child of God, I resign those desires and rest in knowing you rest safely in the arms of Jesus. You now know love, grace, peace and rest. So, goodbye Grace and Peace, I love you. Goodbye Grace, for God's grace is sufficient for me. (2 Cor. 12:9) Goodbye Peace, for the peace of God surpasses all comprehension and will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
It is our prayer and hope in sharing these things with you that those of you who have experienced, or will experience, the loss of one you love will find hope and encouragement in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
Strengthed by Jesus,
Skip and Lori Richter
Dear Family and Friends,
Grace and Peace Richter, both girls, were born at 23 weeks. Both went to rest in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ within 20 minutes after their birth.
We have been looking forward to having more children. Even before conception we began to pray for our next child. We even asked God for twins. We were overjoyed in March to find out that Lori was pregnant, and even happier to discover that they were twins. We believed, and still believe, that our pregnancy was given to us by the Lord.
In mid-July, Lori began to look like she was in her 8th month. We went to the doctor saw on an ultrasound that something was wrong. We were sent to Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. The twins had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion, a process that can occur in identical twins sharing a single placenta. We were told that the chances of either baby living were zero. They were too young to be born, and as time went on they would only grow weaker in the womb.
We were crushed. We prayed long hours for them and believed to the end that God could heal them if He chose to intervene. In our repeated talks with Him, we asked for them to be healed. However, we also told God that we knew He loved us and the babies and that His purpose and perspective could see far beyond ours.
During our hospital stay we experienced a depth of God's grace and peace we had never before felt. We cannot explain it except to say that the deeper the pain and grief went, the deeper His love was felt. This has definitely been the most painful, difficult thing we have ever gone through, but we can say with assurance that to those who know and reverence Him, deep hurt brings deeper grace!
On the 15th God mercifully allowed Grace and Peace to be born, Their time was short. We were able to spend our final minutes alone with them. We are very thankful for that time.
It is natural for us to think things are ours and are owed to us - our possessions, plans, health, our spouse and children. When we perceive that man or God is taking it away we feel cheated. After Job received the shocking news that his livestock, servants, and children had all been destroyed, the first words he spoke revealed his heart, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) And the next verse says, "Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God."
We were thankful to God for the twins and recognized that we were just the temporary caretakers of them - they really belong to God. Our twins, like all of our children, are a gift from God. Whenever a young one dies we feel that they went "before their time". Although it hurts terribly to lose them and all our plans for their future, we know that they were taken "in His timing", and in that we rest. They are in the hands of perfect love, joy, peace, and care.
Our hurt is not for them but for us. We are left o this side of eternity to deal with life's pain and struggles in an imperfect world. Having experienced a measure of His grace and peace we know that there is ample supply for whatever our future years may hold.
We have never experienced anything as painful and deeply grieving as watching Grace and Peace die in our arms. It gives us a glimpse of what our Father must have felt to watch as his Son died. Our children were too young to be conscious of what was happening. His Son was very aware of what was happening throughout the many hours leading up to His excruciating death on the cross.
We would have never chosen this outcome for our twins. Consequently, what is most gripping to my heart, as a father, is that God willingly gave His innocent Son to die for us. We cannot conceive that kind of love, or Him loving us that much! But that is the love He feels for you and for me. There is therefore, nothing that we could ever go through that His love would not be able to see us through. He, as the Father and the Son, has felt the deepest of hurts. There is no hurt that He cannot relate to. There is no pain that His peace cannot comfort.
We'll close with part of an entry in Lori's journal that she wrote to Grace and Peace:
Grace and Peace I love you so much and I miss you. I can't seem to find it in me to say goodbye. In my heart, the heart of a mother, I long to know each of you. In my heart, the heart of an obedient child of God, I resign those desires and rest in knowing you rest safely in the arms of Jesus. You now know love, grace, peace and rest. So, goodbye Grace and Peace, I love you. Goodbye Grace, for God's grace is sufficient for me. (2 Cor. 12:9) Goodbye Peace, for the peace of God surpasses all comprehension and will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
It is our prayer and hope in sharing these things with you that those of you who have experienced, or will experience, the loss of one you love will find hope and encouragement in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
Strengthed by Jesus,
Skip and Lori Richter
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
God Is Good
Nineteen years ago, Skip and I prayed that God would bless us with twins. Emily was 3 and Bethany was 2. We absolutely loved being parents. We prayed.
When I went in for my 1st prenatal visit to my OB/Gyn, I confidently announced that I had prayed for twins. At my 1st ultrasound, my doc saw 2 babies, dropped his head and laughed. At 18 weeks, we went in for another ultrasound and the doctor announced that we had a "stable" twin pregnancy.
I felt that I was extra special to God. We prayed for twins and God blessed us with them. Then at 23 weeks, things changed. The babies developed twin-to-twin transfusion. They were born and passed away in our arms.
Two months after our twin daughters died, I told my sister-in-law that I felt that I was progressing through my grief well. I remember that Barbara told me when it comes to processing grief, two months is nothing. Little did I know then that grief would be my companion for life. It was two years before the death of my daughters wasn't constantly in my thoughts. It would be five years before I could laugh and really be happy without thinking about them. Even now, there is a sadness that comes each time I think of them. I know it will never go away.
I know it sounds corny to say that it's the pain in our lives that make our lives richer but it's true. How can I explain that God gave us twins and then allowed them to die so young? I can't.
But these things I know. I know that God loves me and my children. I know that He is trustworthy. I know that I can trust Him with the things that are most important to me. I know that when I'm grieving, that's when I need Him most. I know that when the crisis comes, that's when I want to turn to God for comfort.
There were times that the pain of loosing the twins hurt so bad that I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. Now, strangely enough, I embrace the experience of loss in my life. I've learned that even in the most unthinkable turn of events, God loves me and mine. I'm thankful for everything that God taught me through the experience of loss. I'm thankful that when I die, I'll have 2 daughters waiting for me; then I'll get the have the experience that I have so longed for of getting to know them.
For those of you who have experienced loss and those who will experience loss in the future - know that God is good.
When I went in for my 1st prenatal visit to my OB/Gyn, I confidently announced that I had prayed for twins. At my 1st ultrasound, my doc saw 2 babies, dropped his head and laughed. At 18 weeks, we went in for another ultrasound and the doctor announced that we had a "stable" twin pregnancy.
I felt that I was extra special to God. We prayed for twins and God blessed us with them. Then at 23 weeks, things changed. The babies developed twin-to-twin transfusion. They were born and passed away in our arms.
Two months after our twin daughters died, I told my sister-in-law that I felt that I was progressing through my grief well. I remember that Barbara told me when it comes to processing grief, two months is nothing. Little did I know then that grief would be my companion for life. It was two years before the death of my daughters wasn't constantly in my thoughts. It would be five years before I could laugh and really be happy without thinking about them. Even now, there is a sadness that comes each time I think of them. I know it will never go away.
I know it sounds corny to say that it's the pain in our lives that make our lives richer but it's true. How can I explain that God gave us twins and then allowed them to die so young? I can't.
But these things I know. I know that God loves me and my children. I know that He is trustworthy. I know that I can trust Him with the things that are most important to me. I know that when I'm grieving, that's when I need Him most. I know that when the crisis comes, that's when I want to turn to God for comfort.
There were times that the pain of loosing the twins hurt so bad that I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. Now, strangely enough, I embrace the experience of loss in my life. I've learned that even in the most unthinkable turn of events, God loves me and mine. I'm thankful for everything that God taught me through the experience of loss. I'm thankful that when I die, I'll have 2 daughters waiting for me; then I'll get the have the experience that I have so longed for of getting to know them.
For those of you who have experienced loss and those who will experience loss in the future - know that God is good.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Time Blur
It's so weird to me how fast time passes. As I get older, sometimes time feels like a blur to me. And as we age our perception of time only speeds up!
I'm not really sure how that's going to work in the future. As I went to bed tonight (I'm back up - I'm having one of those nights where sleep evades me) I know cognitively that tomorrow is Sunday. But I'm really still living back in the beginning of the week, planning what I need to be doing. Weird, huh!
Panic set in as I realized the week has passed and several items that are important to me have slipped through the cracks. As for the panic I have come to understand that the phase of consciousness between sleep and wakefulness is a terrible place to try to think rationally. I loose that battle every time. So, I'm up.
Back to the time thing. The passage of time has always been a negative for me. When I was a little girl I would mourn how fast time passed on school breaks or family vacations. I would count each day as it passed and be sad that, for example, 1 day had passed - only 6 more to go. I know it's silly. None-the-less that's how my mind works.
After the birth of each baby, I would spend the 1st week crying. I loved those 1st experiences with each new life and getting to know these lovely little people. But, I knew how quickly those moments pass and I could see my babies growing so fast. And not only that, no matter how hard I tried to imprint those memories into my mind and heart, I knew that they would eventually be lost and filed away in the "memory overload" folder in my head.
When I was a young mom, (it's a weird phenomenon when you pass from the young mom group to the older mom group - I'm not sure how it happens but it does) older moms would frequently tell me to enjoy those moments with my young ones because "they'll grow up before you know it". Wow, is that ever true!
This is one of those things in life that I just have to trust God with, knowing that He created a wonderful, lively, lovely world for us. He created us so that time passes quickly and speeds up as we get older. I don't know why, but He did. For now, that makes it good with me. I'm blessed to be a mother and thankful for every ever-so-quickly-passing moment.
I pray that God will enable me to be faithful with my time this week.
I'm not really sure how that's going to work in the future. As I went to bed tonight (I'm back up - I'm having one of those nights where sleep evades me) I know cognitively that tomorrow is Sunday. But I'm really still living back in the beginning of the week, planning what I need to be doing. Weird, huh!
Panic set in as I realized the week has passed and several items that are important to me have slipped through the cracks. As for the panic I have come to understand that the phase of consciousness between sleep and wakefulness is a terrible place to try to think rationally. I loose that battle every time. So, I'm up.
Back to the time thing. The passage of time has always been a negative for me. When I was a little girl I would mourn how fast time passed on school breaks or family vacations. I would count each day as it passed and be sad that, for example, 1 day had passed - only 6 more to go. I know it's silly. None-the-less that's how my mind works.
After the birth of each baby, I would spend the 1st week crying. I loved those 1st experiences with each new life and getting to know these lovely little people. But, I knew how quickly those moments pass and I could see my babies growing so fast. And not only that, no matter how hard I tried to imprint those memories into my mind and heart, I knew that they would eventually be lost and filed away in the "memory overload" folder in my head.
When I was a young mom, (it's a weird phenomenon when you pass from the young mom group to the older mom group - I'm not sure how it happens but it does) older moms would frequently tell me to enjoy those moments with my young ones because "they'll grow up before you know it". Wow, is that ever true!
This is one of those things in life that I just have to trust God with, knowing that He created a wonderful, lively, lovely world for us. He created us so that time passes quickly and speeds up as we get older. I don't know why, but He did. For now, that makes it good with me. I'm blessed to be a mother and thankful for every ever-so-quickly-passing moment.
I pray that God will enable me to be faithful with my time this week.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Thrift Shopping
Every 4 years or so, we run out of glass glasses. That just kinda happens when you have a big family. So right before Christmas I realized that I needed to buy glasses. We decided to shop in thrift stores.
Sarah and I are hooked now. On Fridays we head to Austin to comb the thrift stores for just the right glasses. We decided that we won't buy just any glass. It has to be unusual and pretty. It has to be special. And not too many of the same glass is definitely preferred! Our tastes are eclectic and hodge-podge.
Two weeks ago we spent $4 on 5 glasses (oh the joy!). And one of them was a crystal wine glass that matched a set of 4 wine glasses that Skip's uncle Charles had given us as a wedding gift 25 years ago. Of course that set of four is long gone - as that's what happens when you have a big family. You know that I know we could just drink out of plastic. And plastic is okay every once in a while but there's just nothing like drinking ice tea out of a glass glass.
Last week, Sarah and I spent a whopping total of $6 on 4 glasses. Well, we broke one on the way home . . . no problem, we'll just head out tomorrow for another day of thrift shopping!
Sarah and I are hooked now. On Fridays we head to Austin to comb the thrift stores for just the right glasses. We decided that we won't buy just any glass. It has to be unusual and pretty. It has to be special. And not too many of the same glass is definitely preferred! Our tastes are eclectic and hodge-podge.
Two weeks ago we spent $4 on 5 glasses (oh the joy!). And one of them was a crystal wine glass that matched a set of 4 wine glasses that Skip's uncle Charles had given us as a wedding gift 25 years ago. Of course that set of four is long gone - as that's what happens when you have a big family. You know that I know we could just drink out of plastic. And plastic is okay every once in a while but there's just nothing like drinking ice tea out of a glass glass.
Last week, Sarah and I spent a whopping total of $6 on 4 glasses. Well, we broke one on the way home . . . no problem, we'll just head out tomorrow for another day of thrift shopping!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Why Redemption?
In The Spirit of the Disciplines, Dallas Willard writes that there are 3 stages of redemption. Redemption - I love that word.
The first stage is to be baptized into Christ. We are baptized into Christ and brought into "experiential union" with him. That means that as we are immersed in Jesus (my God, could you love me so much that you would immerse me in you), we come into experiential union with him. Willard writes, "What he (Jesus) experienced then we now also experience through our communion with him". This experiential union thing is really amazing. This stage is something that God does for us when we give our lives to him and are immersed in Jesus.
"Reckoning" is the second stage and is something we have to do ourselves. "In our new freedom we are to "reckon" or consciously and purposefully regard ourselves as "dead to sin and alive to God in Union with Jesus Christ'" Romans 6:11 Another way to say it is, "That is not, and shall not be me".
The third stage is to submit our whole self to righteousness. Again, this is not something God can or will do for us. This is tough. I cannot tell you how many times I've prayed, "God, make me more like Jesus".
I am a sinner.
I struggle with selfishness of all kinds. When I'm squished by circumstances or even worse pushed by someone, I am unkind - I say things that as I hear the words come out of my mouth I know these are words that should not be spoken. I can lay someone bare and they won't even know what hit them.
I ruminate over negative people or situations I deem unfair, letting the yuckiness of it all affect my behavior toward the people I love.
I judge other people's behavior; deciding what their hidden motive must have been. I often do this to my children.
I hide from abrupt people; letting them continue in bad behavior toward me or my family.
I'm insecure - may seem like the opposite of selfishness but it's not - it's selfishness.
I eat too much. I've really struggled with this one - would Jesus enjoy a yummy piece of key lime pie on Christmas night? Harmless, right? No - because for me, the thoughts, motives, and actions of overeating separate my heart from the heart of God.
Our family went with our daughter, Bethany, to Austin Stone Sunday morning for church. The pastor (I'm really sorry that I don't know his name - his sermon was life-giving) said, that the call of Jesus is not a call to morality(huh!?). The call of Jesus is to follow him, to abide in him, and to become like him; in a sense, to be him here on earth (AH!). The more we, over time, immerse ourselves in Jesus, the more we abide in him, the more we reflect him.
I've been thinking about this for a long time. I am a sinner. I sin. I need redemption. Life is messy. I want my children to see me love God, struggle with sin, be immersed in Jesus and brought into experiential union with him, reckon myself as dead to sin and thus by grace escape sin, and submit my whole self to God for righteousness! Then my children will better understand how to walk with God.
God help me and give me grace.
The first stage is to be baptized into Christ. We are baptized into Christ and brought into "experiential union" with him. That means that as we are immersed in Jesus (my God, could you love me so much that you would immerse me in you), we come into experiential union with him. Willard writes, "What he (Jesus) experienced then we now also experience through our communion with him". This experiential union thing is really amazing. This stage is something that God does for us when we give our lives to him and are immersed in Jesus.
"Reckoning" is the second stage and is something we have to do ourselves. "In our new freedom we are to "reckon" or consciously and purposefully regard ourselves as "dead to sin and alive to God in Union with Jesus Christ'" Romans 6:11 Another way to say it is, "That is not, and shall not be me".
The third stage is to submit our whole self to righteousness. Again, this is not something God can or will do for us. This is tough. I cannot tell you how many times I've prayed, "God, make me more like Jesus".
I am a sinner.
I struggle with selfishness of all kinds. When I'm squished by circumstances or even worse pushed by someone, I am unkind - I say things that as I hear the words come out of my mouth I know these are words that should not be spoken. I can lay someone bare and they won't even know what hit them.
I ruminate over negative people or situations I deem unfair, letting the yuckiness of it all affect my behavior toward the people I love.
I judge other people's behavior; deciding what their hidden motive must have been. I often do this to my children.
I hide from abrupt people; letting them continue in bad behavior toward me or my family.
I'm insecure - may seem like the opposite of selfishness but it's not - it's selfishness.
I eat too much. I've really struggled with this one - would Jesus enjoy a yummy piece of key lime pie on Christmas night? Harmless, right? No - because for me, the thoughts, motives, and actions of overeating separate my heart from the heart of God.
Our family went with our daughter, Bethany, to Austin Stone Sunday morning for church. The pastor (I'm really sorry that I don't know his name - his sermon was life-giving) said, that the call of Jesus is not a call to morality(huh!?). The call of Jesus is to follow him, to abide in him, and to become like him; in a sense, to be him here on earth (AH!). The more we, over time, immerse ourselves in Jesus, the more we abide in him, the more we reflect him.
I've been thinking about this for a long time. I am a sinner. I sin. I need redemption. Life is messy. I want my children to see me love God, struggle with sin, be immersed in Jesus and brought into experiential union with him, reckon myself as dead to sin and thus by grace escape sin, and submit my whole self to God for righteousness! Then my children will better understand how to walk with God.
God help me and give me grace.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Isn't It Odd
Isn’t it odd how well others can know us when we don’t really feel like we know ourselves? Here’s what I mean. Yesterday, Bethany said the very same words I said – as they came out of my mouth – with the same vocal expression, pitch, inflection, AND facial expression including head nod. How did she know what I was going to say when I didn’t even know!?
I’m 48 years old, have raised 2 grown daughters and am in the process of raising 4 more children. Yet, the way I perceive myself is much like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade when he is in pursuit of the Holy Grail; not in the heroic sense but more in the way he bumbles.
Remember when he’s trying to get across the canyon to the cave where he has to choose which wine challis belonged to Jesus? His father gets shot and Indiana has to find the Holy Grail in order to heal his dad. He fumbles through all of the booby traps and in the end comes to a canyon and has to get to the other side and he can’t see a way across – that’s the part I relate to – the fumbling and not being able to see a way across. That’s how I perceive myself. I feel as though each step is unsure, praying that God will help me to be faithful to my children. In most situations, I can’t see the next step.
So, how did Bethany know me so well that she knew what I was going to say when I don’t even know myself that well. Our family was almost all together having a Sunday lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Somehow, the topic of hooka bars came up. Hooka bars are popular among the young these days and I’ve been hearing my kids talk about them (I hear the tobacco is “very clean”!)
For those of you who aren’t familiar with hooka bars, Wikipedia defines a hooka bar as “A lounge or establishment where patrons share shisha (flavored Tobacco) from a communal Hookah which is placed at each table.”
I know this is unthinkable to some but when it comes to hooka I can’t give my girls a mandate because I have been known to smoke a cigar with Skip on occasion. Okay, I know that’s unthinkable too, but I only did it to show him how gross it was to kiss someone who’s been smoking a cigar. Instead, he thought I was to coolest wife on the face of the earth.
So recently, Rebekah tells me she is going to a hooka bar sometime soon. When the topic of hooka came up during our Sunday lunch, I asked Bethany to take Bekah. Skip looked at me and asked me what planet I was from.
Here’s my logic: Bethany really loves Jesus and is mature. I love Bethany! She’s smart! I love Rebekah! Why not send Bekah on her hooka spree with Bethany instead of taking a chance on Bekah going with someone not so desirable.
Here are the words and thoughts that ensued at that point. I said, “Well, I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (at this point my mind started rolodexing through Bekah’s friends as follows: Hannah – I love Hanah – I hope I get to see Hannah before she goes back to college for the spring semester; Kyle – he’s so cute – looks just like Shia LeBoeuf – he swallowed a pin recently – man, I have to remember to pray for him; Jordan – I love Jordan too – he keeps writing on my wall on Facebook so I won’t look like a looser – I bet his mom and I would be good friends if we ever had a chance to hang out; Bubba – ding, ding, ding . . . it came out of my mouth . . . now, back to the conversation at our family lunch) “I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (and I promise Bethany and I said, at the same time, with the same vocal expression, pitch, inflection, AND facial expression including head nod) Bubba! ( The name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)
How do I feel about hooka bars? I honestly don’t care. Once, while getting my hair cut, I was complaining about how I couldn’t get one of my girls to keep her room picked up. My hair-cutting friend looked at me and said, “Lori, if that’s the worst problem that child has, then you’ve got it made.” The words rang true in my heart.
When does it matter? It matters when a thought, motive, or action separates our heart from the heart of God.
I’m glad that my girls can talk with Skip and me about hooka. I don’t want to have “unspeakable” topics that my children can’t talk to me about. I have to be careful about having too strong of a disapproving response when tough topics arise. This gets easier with practice.
Hopefully, that means that when it does matter and the situation is more difficult, the kids will feel safe about discussing the tough stuff. Well, except for Emily, who hasn’t yet told me she owns a hooka pipe; though it is very possible that I don’t remember her telling me. My kids tell me daily about stuff they’ve told me that I don’t remember.
What about the Indiana Jones bumbling thing. I’ve been reading a lot lately about hearing God’s voice. Dallas Willard and John Eldridge are my favorite authors on the topic.
Willard writes about a concept in Hearing God, a difficult but wonderful book, that as we become immersed in Jesus, we can trust that our thoughts and feelings become the thoughts and feelings of God. What a relief! So what do the thoughts and feelings of God look like . . . He is kind, loving, loyal, true, a protector, open to relationship, open in relationships, a healer, peace-making, merciful, just, holy, pure, and so much more . . .
I need to go. Sarah and I have a date over a cup of hot tea!
I’m 48 years old, have raised 2 grown daughters and am in the process of raising 4 more children. Yet, the way I perceive myself is much like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade when he is in pursuit of the Holy Grail; not in the heroic sense but more in the way he bumbles.
Remember when he’s trying to get across the canyon to the cave where he has to choose which wine challis belonged to Jesus? His father gets shot and Indiana has to find the Holy Grail in order to heal his dad. He fumbles through all of the booby traps and in the end comes to a canyon and has to get to the other side and he can’t see a way across – that’s the part I relate to – the fumbling and not being able to see a way across. That’s how I perceive myself. I feel as though each step is unsure, praying that God will help me to be faithful to my children. In most situations, I can’t see the next step.
So, how did Bethany know me so well that she knew what I was going to say when I don’t even know myself that well. Our family was almost all together having a Sunday lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. Somehow, the topic of hooka bars came up. Hooka bars are popular among the young these days and I’ve been hearing my kids talk about them (I hear the tobacco is “very clean”!)
For those of you who aren’t familiar with hooka bars, Wikipedia defines a hooka bar as “A lounge or establishment where patrons share shisha (flavored Tobacco) from a communal Hookah which is placed at each table.”
I know this is unthinkable to some but when it comes to hooka I can’t give my girls a mandate because I have been known to smoke a cigar with Skip on occasion. Okay, I know that’s unthinkable too, but I only did it to show him how gross it was to kiss someone who’s been smoking a cigar. Instead, he thought I was to coolest wife on the face of the earth.
So recently, Rebekah tells me she is going to a hooka bar sometime soon. When the topic of hooka came up during our Sunday lunch, I asked Bethany to take Bekah. Skip looked at me and asked me what planet I was from.
Here’s my logic: Bethany really loves Jesus and is mature. I love Bethany! She’s smart! I love Rebekah! Why not send Bekah on her hooka spree with Bethany instead of taking a chance on Bekah going with someone not so desirable.
Here are the words and thoughts that ensued at that point. I said, “Well, I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (at this point my mind started rolodexing through Bekah’s friends as follows: Hannah – I love Hanah – I hope I get to see Hannah before she goes back to college for the spring semester; Kyle – he’s so cute – looks just like Shia LeBoeuf – he swallowed a pin recently – man, I have to remember to pray for him; Jordan – I love Jordan too – he keeps writing on my wall on Facebook so I won’t look like a looser – I bet his mom and I would be good friends if we ever had a chance to hang out; Bubba – ding, ding, ding . . . it came out of my mouth . . . now, back to the conversation at our family lunch) “I’d rather her go with Bethany than . . . (and I promise Bethany and I said, at the same time, with the same vocal expression, pitch, inflection, AND facial expression including head nod) Bubba! ( The name has been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)
How do I feel about hooka bars? I honestly don’t care. Once, while getting my hair cut, I was complaining about how I couldn’t get one of my girls to keep her room picked up. My hair-cutting friend looked at me and said, “Lori, if that’s the worst problem that child has, then you’ve got it made.” The words rang true in my heart.
When does it matter? It matters when a thought, motive, or action separates our heart from the heart of God.
I’m glad that my girls can talk with Skip and me about hooka. I don’t want to have “unspeakable” topics that my children can’t talk to me about. I have to be careful about having too strong of a disapproving response when tough topics arise. This gets easier with practice.
Hopefully, that means that when it does matter and the situation is more difficult, the kids will feel safe about discussing the tough stuff. Well, except for Emily, who hasn’t yet told me she owns a hooka pipe; though it is very possible that I don’t remember her telling me. My kids tell me daily about stuff they’ve told me that I don’t remember.
What about the Indiana Jones bumbling thing. I’ve been reading a lot lately about hearing God’s voice. Dallas Willard and John Eldridge are my favorite authors on the topic.
Willard writes about a concept in Hearing God, a difficult but wonderful book, that as we become immersed in Jesus, we can trust that our thoughts and feelings become the thoughts and feelings of God. What a relief! So what do the thoughts and feelings of God look like . . . He is kind, loving, loyal, true, a protector, open to relationship, open in relationships, a healer, peace-making, merciful, just, holy, pure, and so much more . . .
I need to go. Sarah and I have a date over a cup of hot tea!
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