God Is Good

Nineteen years ago, Skip and I prayed that God would bless us with twins. Emily was 3 and Bethany was 2. We absolutely loved being parents. We prayed.

When I went in for my 1st prenatal visit to my OB/Gyn, I confidently announced that I had prayed for twins. At my 1st ultrasound, my doc saw 2 babies, dropped his head and laughed. At 18 weeks, we went in for another ultrasound and the doctor announced that we had a "stable" twin pregnancy.

I felt that I was extra special to God. We prayed for twins and God blessed us with them. Then at 23 weeks, things changed. The babies developed twin-to-twin transfusion. They were born and passed away in our arms.

Two months after our twin daughters died, I told my sister-in-law that I felt that I was progressing through my grief well. I remember that Barbara told me when it comes to processing grief, two months is nothing. Little did I know then that grief would be my companion for life. It was two years before the death of my daughters wasn't constantly in my thoughts. It would be five years before I could laugh and really be happy without thinking about them. Even now, there is a sadness that comes each time I think of them. I know it will never go away.

I know it sounds corny to say that it's the pain in our lives that make our lives richer but it's true. How can I explain that God gave us twins and then allowed them to die so young? I can't.

But these things I know. I know that God loves me and my children. I know that He is trustworthy. I know that I can trust Him with the things that are most important to me. I know that when I'm grieving, that's when I need Him most. I know that when the crisis comes, that's when I want to turn to God for comfort.

There were times that the pain of loosing the twins hurt so bad that I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. Now, strangely enough, I embrace the experience of loss in my life. I've learned that even in the most unthinkable turn of events, God loves me and mine. I'm thankful for everything that God taught me through the experience of loss. I'm thankful that when I die, I'll have 2 daughters waiting for me; then I'll get the have the experience that I have so longed for of getting to know them.

For those of you who have experienced loss and those who will experience loss in the future - know that God is good.