From My Point of View

Emily is married! The wedding and honeymoon are over. Emily and Ryan have moved to Washington D.C. Life feels kinda strange . . . ethereal . . . surreal.

Emily's wedding was a huge event in our family. It was an odd mix of happiness, excitement, tension, and tearing. Happiness and excitement in that we were all thrilled that Emily and Ryan were getting married. Tension and tearing in that, for the first time in our family, one of ours was establishing her own family with her new husband. It's a good, but different and difficult transition.

I've been a little surprised that women who've already experienced a wedding in their family haven't been more vocal about the pre-wedding stress. Most mothers kinda sigh a lovely "ahhhh" - like when you see a new puppy - when you first tell them your daughter is getting married. It left me feeling like something must be wrong in our family that we were having difficulty with the tension and tearing. But . . . I have a hard time believing that most families don't experience something similar to what our family did.

As I describe this to others, I find that I keep explaining that our family is very close. We have a strong family identity and our kids love each other. Their friendship goes beyond just being siblings.

Here's an example of how the difficulty played out in real life at the wedding. As the wedding and reception progressed, our family was anticipating the moment when Ryan would sweep Emily away and off they would go on their honeymoon. What a moment! If you've seen the movie "Father of the Bride", you know there's a little tension about that moment and we really didn't want to miss it.

As they got ready to leave the DJ started playing "That's Amore", (you know, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie - that's amore"). Ryan swept Emily up in his arms and headed down the line of guests to the car. Sarah, our youngest daughter (age 9) who adores Emily and loves Ryan (the night before at the rehearsal dinner she told him she wanted to be his BFF - Best Friend Forever), made a mad dash for the get-away car only to have to car door shut right as she got there. She didn't get to tell her sister goodbye. She cried later that night and the next morning. What a tough moment for me - I was happy for Emily and Ryan - and devastated for Sarah.

I do have a precious friend who was painfully honest with me about all of the pre-wedding tension. Thank God for her friendship. She endured many phone conversations with me and attempted to keep me level . . . attempted. And she always pointed me toward being Christ-like in my thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

This friend told me that she never had to die so much of herself as when her daughter got married. That surprised and shocked me. Being a mother is a continuous process of dying to self: giving up your own personal needs; putting another's needs ahead of your own. I feel like that as a godly mother, I've died to a lot of myself and am always surprised when I realize that there is more of my self to give up. Needless to say, my friend was right! I did have to give up a lot of my self, thoughts, wants, and wishes for Emily's and Ryan's sake; and that was tough.

I learned that it's not always profitable to say what you're thinking -- I know, obvious - right? -- well, not so much for me. I also learned that when you feel an issue is so important that you push it to a point of conflict, it might be good to consider the end result of that conflict after the issue is resolved -- like, will the conflict cause hurt or your child to feel disrespected. Sometimes, keeping relationship intact overrides the issue of conflict. I know, again, obvious :)

So sitting here with the perspective of time, I think I'm a little smarter about this wedding thing, a little wiser (I hope), but most of all I'm excited for Emily and Ryan, and their new life together. And I pray God's best for them.