Letting Go

We moved Bekah into the dorm at UT last Friday. I love that girl! Boy, am I going to miss her.

I honestly tried as hard as I could to not cry. I didn't want to. Of all the gals in my family, I am the worst about crying. I cry easily and often.

When I left my oldest daughter at A&M her first year, I hugged her knowing the tears were coming and feeling my chest begin to heave. There was no stopping the tears. I left her at the dorm room and asked her not to follow me to the car - I knew it would be harder to leave if she followed me. I had dreaded that moment for years. I walked down a long hall and tried to not look back. As I started to drive out of the parking lot, there she was. Aaaaggggghhhh! My heart caved. I got out of the car and hugged her one more time. I left and cried - for a long time.

When I left my 2nd oldest daughter at Trinity, I hugged her again knowing the tears were coming. I hated that moment! The tears flowed, my chest began to heave; and of all things, she patted me on the back and asked, "You okay now?"

Same song, 3rd verse - I leave Rebekah at UT. I know Austin isn't far but that really doesn't matter much. It's still the end of a phase in our relationship. I'm determined not to cry. I hug her thinking maybe I won't cry and still my chest involuntarily heaves. Tears flow. I hate this moment.

Letting go is probably that hardest part of being a mother for me. It's not that letting go is a bad thing. And it's not about losing control. It's good and the way God designed life. But there is loss involved in letting go for a mother. It's an end and a beginning. But in that moment, it feels like more of an end.

I so enjoy Rebekah (Bek, Bekah, Boo). She was born after the loss of our twins and God used her life to restore hope to us. She brought laughter and joy into our home. Her special uniqueness has kept us amazed and astonished by her creativity.

I want Bekah to blaze her own trail. I'm sure she will. It would be against her nature not to. She has always radiated an "out of the box" uniqueness. She is true, loyal, and knows how to be a good friend. She has a great sense of humor and has always seen life from a unique perspective. I know that these are characteristics that God has blessed her with and will use in the lives of everyone she comes in contact with.