A Look in the Mirror

Recently, I had a very difficult interaction with someone I love and respect a great deal. I asked for advice but the counsel I received was, upon first consideration, critical of me and very difficult to hear.

Here's the strange part: when we left the meeting with this dearly loved friend, Skip, my husband, and I had totally different perspectives. Skip felt like I was the luckiest person in the whole world to have heard this person's perception of me. He didn't think that the words were hurtful or critical and he would have given anything to trade places with me. Truth is, I would have given anything to trade places too.

Isn't that weird! Skip loved the interaction while I just wanted to run away. He is a much better person than I am. While it takes me forever to see the truth in hard words, he is able to almost immediately disassociate himself personally from criticism and look at it objectively. (I use the word criticism, but Skip would say that the words my friend spoke to me were positive when considered in context.)

So, with a lot of help from Skip, I learned several things. First, I learned to listen very carefully to the whole of what my friend said. And, the whole of what he said was very caring and positive. Second, I learned to dispassionately look at the words he said. The the actual words that hurt me did have a negative connotation, but in context they were not negative. Third, I learned to look at the heart of the person - he spoke to me with tears in his eyes - he obviously loves me and if my friend were to describe himself, he would have been much tougher and used stronger language.

So here's the deal. I did need to hear his words. And what he said got me through a very difficult situation. With thought and time, I realize that I was given a wonderful gift. I've analyzed the conversation and realize that what he said is true.

The purpose of my blog is to encourage women and mothers. I believe that sometimes the best way to do that is to be honest. I struggle with confrontation. That's what this post is all about.

Sometimes it's really hard for me to see an area of myself that is not what I want to be. It's easy to say something like"I know I'm deeply flawed", and I do honestly know that, but words are cheap. A person can say anything. It's a completely different thing to take an honest look at something in myself, ESPECIALLY when someone else points it out! :)

I believe that God created us with the ability to love Him and through that experience, become more like Him. So, I'm okay with seeing things about myself that are not good, productive, or simply not propelling me in the direction in life that I want to go.

I'm so glad Skip was able to help me break out of my thick, protective crust. If I hadn't broken out I would have missed out on having the experience of disassociating myself personally from the criticism and considering it objectively. I would have missed out on hearing the wonderful things said to me because I focused only on the negative and I wouldn't have even remembered the tears in his eyes. I would have missed out on the truth in what was communicated. And I would have missed out on having relationship with a true friend.

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

I am very thankful for my true friends!